And so it begins

I think that the whole reason I started this is to write some smart ass remarks when this time came. Believe it or not, I don't have any. I will write about how I feel and my fears and everything in between. I'm first and foremost hurting with sadness. I cant believe that theres thousands of woman that have to feel this indescribable feeling. I know I am not alone yet I am so lonely. I am scared. I hear ALL the time that its fine, he'll be fine, I'll be fine. "Don't Worry"....right. Can you promise me that? Can anyone give me a love of my life guarantee that the man I married will come back to me in a year? Physically and mentally come back to me. I have completely irrational fears and some totally warranted. The sad part is I don't think the real feeling of him being gone has hit me yet. I guess all I can say is I miss him terribly. I think nights will be the worst. And yes so far its only been ONE night and now I dread them coming. I have tried to fall asleep by making lists of stuff to send him, laying on his side, reading, watching tv, replacing his love with funyuns/kitkats/yorks/cookies....I mean I have tried everything! I have kids to care for and distract and love the heck out of. I have neighbors that are here for me 100%. My red head snooki has been going through a pretty hell-acious week but still took time to be here for me and my family. I couldn't really ask for more. 
I did know what I was getting into. When we decided to go down this path as a family. It was a definite to be deployed eventually. I think I just thought I had more strength than this. Maybe it comes in time? I'm worse than a crazy hormonal preggo lady. I could cry at the drop of a pin! I don't feel like the tears are allowed. I'm surrounded by tanks, C-130's, toughness ya know. Then theres this blob of mushy mess of myself! I see all these woman walking in the commissary with all 28567 of their kids walking tall and strong. Are their husbands gone? How are they so happy? Why cant I have drugs for this shit? This whole situation has not hit my kids at all yet. I am not going to push it. They are my main concern, my main fear. I don't want their father to miss any second of them growing up. I want to freeze time for him. I'm hoping I will puuulllll myself up outta this funk get on a healthy track. I'm entitled to a little time. I didn't think it would be this hard, I didn't think it would hurt this much, I didn't want to let him go but when I did I had arms to turn to. I had kitkats to eat. I have people watching me, helping me and loving me. I miss him with every ounce of my being but I can do this and we will get through this. Now my funyuns and I are going to attempt some rest....

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.~John 15:13

This is new....

It has always been a challenge for me to make friends and even more challenging for me to keep them. I moved around a lot growing up and no one really stuck if ya know what I mean. As I got older and not very much wiser I learned alot from a few amazing ladies in my life, as well as a few men. My one friend, we'll call her Cougar due to her current status ;), has been with me for 5 years and always held my hand while I took some wrong roads in live. She is one person I know I can count on even across the country to be here for me always. I think she may be my first real friend that has called me on my shit but stuck by me in it, given me advice, watched me cry and picked me up. She has helped me grow and I look up to her, not just because she's 9 feet tall either! Another is my MIL. Man.... Where do I begin with her? She has been a mother to me when no one else would. She knows exactly when to call just to say "I love you" and if it weren't for her I don't know what we would do. She has taught me so much about how to be a mom and a wife. My husband and her have also taught me to forgive and how to be lived if that makes any sense. My kids are so blessed to have her and I absolutely struck gold with my mother in law! Truly an amazing woman with a heart so giving and forgiving she deserves a medal. To be honest words can not express how much I adore her. Then there's my husband. Those who know me know that he has been through hell and back (several times) with me. He encourages me and lifts my spirits the way no one could. He is my everything. I'm sure we all have heard people say "I don't know where I would be without...." but honest to god I would be nothing without him. I have very few people that I hold so close. My inner "circle" is not large lol. I can't forget my TP. She is another amazing person that has watched me grow and forgiven me for my wrongs and I am so thankful to be in her life. My life would not be the same without her. She is another that will stick by me from across the country and I completely look up too.
Now the reason I'm talking about this is because it is very new to me to try and make friends. I have trust issues to say the least lol. So here I am away from my small group of people and I have to make new friends. It's a totally different dynamic. It took me 26 years to collect the few I have lol. Being an army spouse you have to make friends fast and realize you don't know how long they will be there for you or vice versa. You have to be willing to leave your kids with a person you've known for a month that you trust entirely and built a strong bond with but willing to say good bye to them tomorrow. I have to say that for being so bitchy I hit the freaking jackpot on army friends here. I do trust them and can't think of a bind they couldn't help me out of. It's all very new to me. Having friends so fast and trusting them and loving them so fast. But at the same time I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without them in it. It may be a new change but it is definitely a welcome one. I guess this is just a blog to realize how blessed I am with my army family and otherwise. without everyones support I don't know that I would be able to make it thru the next few weeks or months. So for future reference we have the cougar, the MIL, TP and my hubby. Here we have my red headed snookie, the Shepard (we'll call her that due to my grazing), okie and TC. There are so many amazing people in my life and I could blog for days about some of them so don't think I forgot you! Just a shout out to all of you and thank you all for your support because it's needed now more than ever!

I used to think I was Phat but now I'm just FAT

Its a hard realization! I have faithfully used the "I just had a baby" excuse for 8 years and 3 kids and well to be honest I will probably continue. I'm not entirely sure where I went wrong. Normal people can have babies and be in shape after. I personally blame my mom. Yup. You know that saying you just have to look at a woman's mother to figure out what she will be later......? Lets just say my poor poor husband got royally screwed i that department! We have a pretty equal relationship. He looses.....I gain. That's fair right?
Now in my defense wine and rum DO NOT come with a nutrition label so therefore I am getting my fair share of servings of fruit. Theres all kinds of eaters I wish I could be. Theres the I'm too depressed to eat type-I have stuff I could conjure up to be depressed about but I will eat myself into oblivion! Not fair! The bulimics-I know I know. I'm not wanting to offend anyone with this one but really theres a tinge of jealousy here. The druggy skinnys- I'm not sure my husbands boss would allow that. Maybe you've heard of him? Mr.Obama? No? Doesn't ring a bell? Well he frowns upon the drug use. Oh well.... on the the next.  OMG....The people who can eat anything and never ever ever gain a freakin ounce! AHHHHHHH! WTF is wrong with you people? So Not Fair! So I do realize that there is a small percentage of people that actually eat healthy and go to the gym but that's really just not my style. I want the easy way out. Gastric, lipo or some magic pill. Maybe a shock collar? If I reach for the doritos BUZZZZZZZZ .  Andria get your phat a$$ away from the fatty cakes!!
Is it a bad sign that I am planning my trip back home by which restaurants I miss the most? Chinese, The delish breakfast joints, the clam chowder. Gawd, I'm hungry now!
I am determined to eventually do something about this "little" problem and not the easy way. I will become part of the percentage that's works for it....after my trip home! So basically to sum this up for you. I'm fat. Get off my back because I could sit on you and squash your tiny butt!

This is the life.....wait....Really this is it?

Well let me start out by saying that figuring out how to start a blog is about as easy as it was to pack up all our crap and move across the country! There is just too much involved! From font sizes to headers that I don't know where what will go....ugh!
Anyways here it goes! I decided to start a blog for a few reasons
1. A really good friend of mine does it and I feel closer to knowing whats going on in her life reading her blogs so I'm hoping to give the same feeling to others.
2. I have A LOT to say about just about everything from being new to the military lifestyle to why my kid is being a jerk! Whether anyone wants to hear it or in this case read it is a totally different subject!
3. Being all the way across the country from my friends and family I wouldn't want anyone to miss out on my much needed useless tidbits of advice and jokes that are so stupid you have to laugh to make me feel better.


We just moved from probably the most beautiful expensive place in the country and I miss it terribly. On any given day I will list off or compare at least 5 things that are "better back home". My youngest will be lied to for the rest of his life because I don't ever want him to know he wasn't born in California. I know such a big move and change in life requires some time to adapt but there is no room in a military life to "give things time".
 I guess I thought it would be easier. I thought a new beginning and new chances and a fresh start. Maybe that part comes later? After the move, the depression, the unpacking, the deployment, the 15 hour days....its new, I'll give it that! I cant let you all think that its all terrible. I have met some amazing women and have found a strength inside myself that I didn't know I had. I also found a true sense of family that I have never known. I guess the ones that stick with you across the country and thru time zones are the keepers. I'm sure it will get easier as the years go by.
I'm what I like to call Military Stupid. I just don't get it. Its all acronyms and I could be told 153,391 times what it means and I still just don't get it! All I hear is BS. Speak english to me. I get asked all the time what unit my husband is in? Unit? I dunno...you tell me! And don't ask me to explain to you what a battalion, company, unit or what the hell all the damn patches are! I'm just figured out what the color of berets mean and please don't make me do math to figure out what time it is. OK? Thank you! Everyone keeps saying I need to figure it out and learn it. Yeah yeah.... I'm really going to remember all the Army stuff, to feed the dog, pay which bill when, to write my grocery list (which I'll be lucky if I remember to bring with me!)to pick the kids up, do homework, what my kids names are (Austin, Riley, Dakota, Dan....whoever you are....go to your room!!!----commonly said in my house)but the one thing I VERY CLEARLY remember is that we are NOT in California anymore Toto!